


ambitions were meant to die anyways

by 3llis (orphan_account)



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol, Alcoholism, Angst, Breakups, Frerard, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, One-Shot, Post-breakup, So here we are, What Have I Done, but i’m not sure what abouf, enjoyy, gee is rlly going thru it, i think i wrote this as a vent a long time aho, my chemical romance - Freeform, mychem, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:14:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23116075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/3llis
Summary: Gerard was miserable, there’s no easy way to put it.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Kudos: 17





	ambitions were meant to die anyways

Gerard shifted his arm as soon as his fingers curled around the flask. A small metal container that hardly held a pinch of brandy after his final swig. His form on the twin sized bed didn’t appear human from the other side of the room, so dark the shadows screamed out claiming to be a demon. Gerard was spiraling, and he knew it. 

The dried blood under his fingernails was a lot less aesthetically pleasing than the stories made it seem. Everything was, the suffocating smog mixed with deafening hollers of his mind were enough to keep him up, instead of lull him into a slumber. 

‘Lay thy weary eyes to rest’, his voice had echoed through the creak between the door and the plaster sealed walls, a hint of humor hidden in his tone. Of course Frank was there, when wasn’t he there? Simply annoying Gerard with his presence. 

All it took was a few months and Gerard suddenly missed the simplicity of the situation before. The scent of the morning, afternoon, and evening coffee had officially sunken it’s way into Gerard’s tiny home. It had been peaceful and domestic. All until it went to shit. 

He shouldn’t have done that, he should’ve been more careful. It didn’t matter if he had gotten hurt, because Frank would still be there for him, curing his scorching soul and tearful eyes. He’d say that he’s broken but that would be an understatement. The five stages of grief have already passed through him a multitude of times. 

It was too much, and just wasn’t in the exact same timeframe. Gerard usually wore his heart on his sleeve, but his heart had been broken when Frank left. He didn’t have one to share anymore.

Frank’s eyes were such a beautiful color. Hazel was often undermined simply because it could be brown at times. But when those lust filled eyes looked into Gerard’s they were singing. Gerard’s has widened in delight. 

He wanted it back. 

Gerard didn’t care about himself anymore. Not after what he had done. Frank didn’t deserve any of it, and he had gotten his revenge. A tell-tale sign, from the screaming loud enough to burst an eardrum. That day was not the best. Frank wouldn’t have been too happy with the results, and Gerard cared too much. 

He had said that Frank was meant to leave. Gerard refused to believe that. Frank needed him, Frank loved him. There was no way he’d leave. Mikey had been wrong, there was no other explanation. 

When Gerard explained his concerns to his little brother all he had gotten was a soothing motion on his back, indicating that he was going to be alright. That couldn’t be farther off. How could he move on when there were lilies in front of Frank’s doorstep that he didn’t leave?

He wasn’t going to be alright, so he threw himself into the liquor cabinet. Intentions don’t lie when it comes to Gerard, nor does the alcohol, apparently. When Gerard awoke in the morning, sprawled out on the living room couch, adam’s apple bobbing as he groggily became aware of the dryness infecting his throat. A familiar thrumming in his head told him that. 

Ray had come over that day, the pitiful sight of tortured of love wasn’t enough to keep him away, It was Ray. Rather it only encouraged his endeavors. 

“Gerard...” Ray spike softly, not wanting to scare his best friend. 

Gerard chose to block him out, he favored to nurse the thrumming of his headache. 

***

Gerard’s eyes fluttered opened what seemed to be seconds later to the sound of wooden cabinets being slammed. The noise was enough to get him up on his feet and stomping into the kitchen. What laid before his eyes shocked him to the bone. 

“Frank...?” He heard himself utter, Ray must’ve let him in before leaving. 

He didn’t respond. Of course he didn’t fucking respond. Seeing his ex-boyfriend passed out on the living room couch that was once his must have been traumatizing. Gerard had tried his damnest to make sure Frank never saw that side of him. He had failed. Simple as that, he had failed the only person that he truly loved. Frank didn’t know that. Frank thought that Gerard was a piece of gum on the bottom of his shoe. And Gerard couldn’t blame him. 

Frank walked out of the kitchen and out the front door without a word or glance in Gerard’s general direction. He had truly moved on, why couldn’t Gerard do the same? Spiraling questions clogged his windpipe, and Frank was fine before he’d even the chance to attack him with his words. 

Gerard only barked out a deep exhale mixed with a tiny chuckle. Frank did not want to see him. Gerard finally understood, after all who would want to see this mess of a man? Greasy hair and a stubble that really couldn’t have even been counted as a stubble, and god- he needed to shave. But he wasn’t going too, everyone knew he wasn’t going to. 

Gerard lugged his aching temple into his dark basement sanctuary, pulling the covers up over himself after he’d twisted and jumped into the mattress with the broken box spring. He closed his eyes and begged for peace. That was fruitless, of course it never came. 

It would never come, peace, that is. Peace is often taken for granted in the swallow confidants of Gerard’s head. And now with that thought, he was miserable. He was absolutely miserable in his own self-destruction. Hidden in this very home that he used to take shelter in. Now it was nothing more than a hiding place riddled with the memories he so wished he could relive. 

But things were just beginning to become clear to the young man, there was nothing left for him. Of that Gerard was certain, even with the alcohol swishing around his stomach. He knew the truth. He was numb to the recreational liquids he once was disgusted by. Now it was his wayward addiction. 

And on that note, the ebony haired man, now officially a boy, passed out. As the dark frayed around the edges of his sight. He knew one thing, he was fucked


End file.
